i always knew i wanted to be a mother. i remember when i was pregnant with my daughter lots of people told me that it "would change my life" and then "you might say you know, but you don't know until it finally happens." i knew they were right. little prepares you for that moment when you actually become a mother. i grew tired of hearing it. every parent told me the same thing. and then one friend said this: "you've never been in love until you have that child in your arms."

how true. not that i wasn't in love (or that i'm not still in love) with my husband; but my God... you don't ever get to feel that kind of emotion until that baby is in your arms.

and suddenly, you get a glimpse into how God must feel about us.

my daughter is my joy... because she created a clear picture of just who God is.

three years after she was born my grandmother died. i was pregnant with my son at the time... very pregnant in fact. so pregnant that i never went to see her when she became sick. i stayed home from work the day she died and 12 hours after she went to live with God my water broke.

my grandmother knew that i was going to have a son and what his name would be. her dying wish was that my mother would come to be with me as soon as my water broke. so at 1:00 in the morning, after holding my grandmom's hand earlier that day as she took her last breath, my mother got into her car and drove the 4 hours to the hospital to be with me.

when he was born, after a horrible delivery, my mother brought him to me, all cleaned up and beautiful. "they passed on the way." she told me and then lifted up his little blue cap to show me the red fuzz that covered his head. grandmom was a red-head.

my son is my peace... a glimpse into how God is with us no matter the circumstance whether in birth or death or any moment in between.

that is the real blessing of children; and for that matter the blessing of being a mommy: suddenly God enters into your life in a whole new way, an unexplainable, miraculous way.

isaiah wrote "oh that you would rend open the heavens and come down" and it became a text for advent... preparation for an unexplainable, miraculous birth that broke open the divide between God and us.

may your children grant you a glimpse through the miraculous into the divine
may you be granted a safe and easy labor
may Christ be with you in every push
and may you hear the love of God in that first cry

God's peace,
cats